October 4, 2019 Branden Lanette

Why Once Upon a Time, Bitches?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

How the fuck would you know if you are afraid to look at your own reflection?

We are about a week away from the release of my first book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. To say I am excited is an understatement. I wanted to answer a few questions about where the idea came from and explain a bit of the how and why.

For as long as I can remember, I have been making wishes and dropping sometimes desperate prayers. I grew up reading fantasy. I was obsessed with fairytales and happily ever afters. Save for a crazy obsession with Stephen King and Dean Koontz, I soaked in romance and princss stories. I LOVED daydreaming about that perfect life. I dreamed of a prince, a very RICH prince, and that damned white picket fence.

Cue a tumultous stint in my teen years with rubberband rejections from my mom I never stopped dreaming. I had to grow up pretty fast. I never gave up wishing. However, One bad choice after another I became my own villian. It hit me one day, well into my thirties, No one is coming to save me. I have to save me from myself. My first response, because I am human, was to say fuck it. There is no such thing as a good life, unless you are lucky. I was broken. I was tainted. It was too late.

Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t get through that dark hole of bullshit? You know, the terrible self esteem, the lonliness, the fact you are always having to be the strong one. You are always supposed to be the bigger person. You have to put yourself last because it’s so much easier to take care of everyone else than it is to look in the mirror. Yeah, bitch…me too.

THIS is why I wrote this guide to your fairytale life. It exists alright. No fairy wand, but you are going to be the fairest face of all when you look in the mirror by the time I am done with you. You will OWN that reflection, you will see the unicorn and recognize the stables full of asses.

I wrote this for you. I did it out of love, for everything I know you are and everything you are afraid you can be. I did it amidst a life of total fucking chaos. I had to show you that dreams come true if you are resilient and promise yourself you will never quit. My tribe of Bitches is powerful. We are saving ourselves out here and being everything we always wished we had in our lives. I am excited. Less than a week and you will claim your happily ever after because I made my dreams come true.

Love you Bitches,

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